Buon giorno my amichi,
I was confronted with an issue recently, one that I know affects all men. One of our common struggles: lust. This can easily become a sore subject very quickly, but it is one that can cause a lot of diverse problems. The word in Spanish is "deseo" which can also be translated as "desire". This is precisely the appropriate term to describe lust. Many times we are told that sex is a need, but this is not true. Yes, there is the instinctual desire to reproduce, but it is still a desire and unnecessary to continue your personal existence. There are hormones which drive these desires as well, but that does not put it out of our control. The primary motive psychologically for sex for a man is validation. It satisfies us in our identities and makes us feel worthy and respected. Yet even here, it is not the only means by which we feel validated. True validation I believe comes from honor within one's beliefs, the integrity of the spirit. I believe that this validation is rooted in God.
As a single man this can be a real struggle. From what I hear from others, presented as a problem or as a simple comment in passing, it is also a struggle for those who are in a committed relationship. I am not just talking about infedelity and porn addictions because those are products of the initial problem. The following verse has been on my heart for awhile, and sometimes it really is a fight to obey it. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Napoleon Hill wrote that your thoughts become your actions and ultimately your reality. I obviously do not say these things as if I were immune to it. I am definitely not a virgen, and I have struggled with porn in the past. Yet those things only focused me further on the desire for validation which I was not getting from them. I only got depression, and I have learned valuable lessons from them.
In extreme cases, lust can have enormous impacts on those who are victimized by it. I know many people who are victims of rape, molestation, countless children abandoned by their fathers, even the oldest profession, prostitution, owes its title to the power of this denigrating sin. Yet it is unnecessary to go to extreme cases to demonstrate the consequences of lustful behavior. Returning to the source of the desire, we find the longing for validation. When we seek validation in empty actions, we are filled with hollow feelings.
Someday I will get married. I do not want to ruin that relationship with the products of my thoughts like mistrust, resentment, jealousy, or infidelity. I want to enjoy solely between her and I, giving her everything I am, my mind included. Two of my closest friends have reminded me of this in the last few months. One of whom told me about how important it is in a marriage to strengthen your resolve, telling me about how his wife went through cancer treatments with anti-hormone pills. He explained that seeing your mate for their friendship will sometimes be your only option, so you have to learn to be strong early. I am striving to keep my mind and heart pure now. If you are single like me, or in a relationship or a marriage struggling with this, I urge you to look to the Lord for strength. Find support in others, and pray for renewal in your mind. Please pray for me as well as I work on this in myself as well.
Philipians 4:8 "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything is worthy of praise, think about such things."
Philipians 4:13 "I can do everything in Christ who gives me strength."
Galatians 5:16 "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."
Matthew 5:29 "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to lose an eye than for your whole body to be cast into hell."
Che Dio ti benediche,
Seth
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